The End…Of My Rope

May 6, 2013

Portal to The End

So my friend Matt and I finally loaded up The End. Well, first we had to find an End Portal, so we started a new game and started to dig…and everything was a dead end with monster spawners. It was the worst world ever. I mean, had we just been playing for resources, we would’ve been set for life, because we found so much diamond and gold and coal you wouldn’t even believe it.

But we eventually threw our controllers down in frustration–which is hard for a shark to do, considering he has fins–and gave up.

A few days later, we decided to try once again, and we eventually found a stronghold that had an End Portal. However, we didn’t know we needed to kill Endermen in order to activate it. Not really wanting to work much harder (we are white nerds in our 20s who play video games after all) we decided to save and exit, load the same world in creative, give ourselves a buttload (which IS a standard unit of measurement) of Endermen Eyes and then saved and exit once more so we could then start the world back in Survival.

We put the eyes in the portal, and headed into the long awaited End. Now, here’s where this becomes a problem.

Minecraft Lag Issues

For whatever reason, Matt was lagging incredibly badly in our games lately when a Creeper would explode. For some reasons, he’d lag for a good 10 seconds or so before everything would resume as normal, and only with explosions. We should’ve realized this would be a problem, but I’m kind of stupid and Matt’s a shark and isn’t capable of critical thinking like that. Don’t get me wrong, he’s far achieved any shark before him just by being able to get onto dry land and operate a video game controller, but let’s not pray for miracles here. That was luck.

So in hindsight, yeah. Pretty stupid. But we arrived and discovered we were surrounded by nothing but Endermen, which pretty much made us shit our pants in complete terror. But we went onwards, trying to avoid them and just climbing the towers to destroy the Ender Dragon’s power balls or whatever they’re called. I don’t really know what they’re called because I don’t do any research nor am I a Minecraft lore expert. So I’m callin’ ‘em power balls. Deal with it. Now, everything went fine…until I destroyed the first ball.

If you’ve never played The End, let me clue you in that all it takes is one hit from a sword or anything really, and it explodes. Pretty simple, actually.

But therein lies the problem. IT EXPLODES. Thus, creating lag on Matts game. That’s the even more annoying thing. His lag didn’t just come from explosions in HIS game. They can from explosions IN THE GAME ITSELF. Even if I was in a mine in space and he was back in the ocean doin’ shark things–eating fish of makin’ Spielberg movies or whatever it is sharks do when they aren’t playing Minecraft–and a Creeper exploded on MY screen that far away from him…it still affects him. Apparently this is a well-known glitch too, as he looked it up and discovered the patch that came with The End was supposed to fix it. It didn’t.

So now Matt was completely useless, and I had to do this all myself.

You can guess how that ended.

What’s the point of this article? To teach you a lesson. Sometimes all the work and preparation that goes into something really isn’t worth the payoff, especially in our case when nothing goes right. We still have yet to go back and try and defeat the Ender Dragon purely because after the whole “dead end” incident and then that lag thing lopped on top of it, we just questioned why we even gave a shit. So we don’t. I think at some point in the future we may, but as of right now, we’re just angry.

So that’s a good moral right? Don’t reach for your goals because they’re often unrealistic and impossible to get to? Inspirational, if I may say so myself. All in a day’s work.

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