A Giant Pack of Spiders

April 7, 2013

minecraft spidersOne of the cooler aspects in Minecraft that I never see people talk about is taming wolves. I mean, that’s really cool. Here’s a wild animal and you can tame it to make it your pal and go have wolf adventures. It’s just one of the under the radar sort of things in the game that everyone KNOWS about but I never HEAR about. And taming wolves is easy as pie; first you find a bone (probably from a skeleton after night) and then give it to a wolf. Bingo. New best friend. Now sometimes it depends on the wolf, as some take more than 1 bone, but you can still do it.

But that got me thinking. Why can’t I tame other things too? Like, spiders. I want to tame an enormous pack of spiders. How freaking cool would that be? Be honest, you see a guy with a giant pack of wolves following him doing his every bidding–and possibly this man is Liam Neeson–and you’ll be like, “Alright, that guy is pretty friggin cool.”

Then you see another guy, with a gigantic herd of spiders doing HIS every bidding and you’re like, “THIS MOTHER IS HARDCORE.” Be honest, that’s what you’d say. And he’d be intimidating too, right? I wouldn’t go near me if I was him.

I mean, some animals it makes sense. Pigs? Cows? They aren’t dangerous. But spiders are the other animal in the game that WILL attack you like a wolf, so why can’t I tame them and make my own personal spider army? Taking them with me to the Nether or around with me at night would make my life so much easier (I don’t even know if wolves can go to the Nether, actually. I should test that) because it’d reduce the amount of damage I actually took if they just fought everything off of me.

And come on…spiders are WAY cooler than wolves.

What’s Cooler than Spiders?

But then if I continue on with my fantasy–as I often do–I start to think “Well, now you can breed animals” so you take a cow and a cow and you make a baby cow (with a GIGANTIC head by the way, anyone else notice how big the baby heads are!?). So obviously, it’s theoretically possible to cross-breed right? You have to know where I’m going with this by now. Come on man.

I’m talkin’ an army of spiderwolves. Or, I guess I’ll just steal the name Wolf Spider. Giant, powerful, furry spiders that eat people and also play fetch. I’d be the single scariest guy on the face of the planet…or…wherever Minecraft takes place on. And if these things exist–taming and breeding–it does beg the question:

Notch, why can’t I tame and then cross-breed spiders and wolves to make myself a personal army of giant Wolf Spiders?

I hope this patch is coming in the next update. If it isn’t, I am going to be VERY disappointed. We all need a little more giant mutant spider wolf armies in our lives, don’t we?

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